The Red Night
by superman42
Summary: this is a parody of the howling, scream, and all the new, then new and old films all rolled into one, under the disguise of a suspense story. it starts off as your average horror story, couple goes to woods, gets ganked, blah blah blah. then you have the jumpscare, the pennywise knockoff and other b list crap from 2017 onwards. the conjuring anyone? how about the howling reborn?
1. Chapter 1

The Red Night

Suspense/horror

Chapter 1

Adrian Miller had never been to the woods. His weekends were spent either with his father, up in Ohio or working double shifts at the local arcades. His girlfriend Tina decided it would be nice for them to view the wildlife and enjoy the sights of the forest.

Adrian was born to a family of 4. having never had any experience with Women, he shied away from them, until Tina took interest and they became more social. too bad she was the queen of nagging. at 5'4 and 200 pounds of raw muscle, Adrian looked like Superman but he felt like Aquaman, borderline useless.

His father, Max Miller, was a logger, married to the job since he first got it in '83. his first house was made from coal, or so Adrian thought at the time. it turns out the house had been haphazardly constructed from rolled steel and off the shelf parts. that was damn near coal in Adrian's mind.

"Don't be such a wuss" Tina said, as Adrian slowly got out of the car. they had been driving for 3 hours and Adrian had gotten carsick. He vomited, wiped his mouth and left.

The crisp Autumn breeze could be felt. it was somewhat chilly but felt nice as an escape from the summer heat.

"So, shall we find a lodge for the night?" asked Adrian. Tina looked at him puzzled, her face hiding an aura of disbelief. "we've been cooped up in the car for 3 hours, just got out to this Beautiful sight and you want to go indoors? i'll never understand men" said Tina. Adrian playfully shoved her and they kissed.

"But still, it is somewhat chilly" said Tina, as she huddled up to Adrian. they walked down the trail and found a cabin. "Seems decent enough" said Tina. "check your cell, we don't want to be stranded, you know, like in every other horror movie out there" said Adrian, with a laugh.

Adrian was well aware of the horror cliches used in films. as such, he knew all the signs.

evil woods, friendly neighbors hiding a secret, a hidden colony, stuff like that.

it bothered him that, for all her talk, Tina could not defend herself. he took her to a gun range, helped her to aim and fire, but she refused. "pacifists, gays and the sexually active die first" said Adrian, obviously referencing the Scream series.

Something moved in the trees. Adrian turned around and fired an arrow into it.

"Jesus! Fuck my leg!" came a familiar voice

"Richie? what are you doing here?" asked Adrian.

Richie was Adrian's friend from high school. they met in robotics class and had a shared love of sick pranks. "remember when you superglued Arnold's asscheeks together?" said Richie.

Adrian remembered all to well what had happened. Arnold was the school Jock and had tormented them to no end. at their Wits end, Richie and Adrian waited until dark, then snuck into his dorm and superglued his hands to his ass. then hid his underwear and jeans in the girls dorm. those were fun times.

"yeah, but i'm past that. sorry about the leg, we're up here for a month, dad went to Minnesota for the weekend" said Adrian.

"Babe, it's freezing... and my bladder is screaming bloody murder" said Tina.

Adrian told her to find a tree and she ran off, about to burst.

"ah, the wonder of mira-lax" said Adrian. Richie cracked up and fell to the ground laughing.

Tina could be heard screaming. "My insides are on fire! what did you do you asshole?" she screamed. Richie only laughed harder. they headed inside as Tina's insides turned to lava.

"IT BURNS!" she screamed.

Adrian returned with some toilet paper, covered ever so gently in itching powder.

An hour later, Tina started complaining that she was itching.

4 hours later, her vagina was beet red and she was mad as hell.

"WHAT THE HELL?" she demanded, after Richie had left.

Adrian apologized and she sat down. "i don't have any bars" said Tina.

Adrian immediately stockpiled food, ammo and meds, tried to contact the sheriff and when that failed, placed bear traps all around the house.

tired, he fell asleep


	2. Chapter 2

The Red Night  
Chapter 2

Night had fallen over the cabin and Adrian had had no luck with the local police or any other people. Regardless, the cabin was well stocked with food, drinks and apparently was also home to truckload of guns. "The Owner must have been a big game hunter. We've got Shotguns, tranqs and a whole lot of ammo. And look, " Adrian said, "Dude's got an M60 and an entire fucking Armory in the back porch"  
Tine meanwhile, had decided to take a look around the cabin and came across two dead bodies, their throats slit open. "Ugh, the blood isn't real, the color is all wrong" she said, shoving them aside and inspecting the closet. More dead bodies fell out, followed by an old camera. "Two dying cliches for one i guess, we'll have to inspect the camera soon, what's next, a demon?" As luck (or a crappy script) would have it, she glimpsed a shadowed figure, darting from tree to tree. "no demon, maybe another Hammer Horror knockoff" she sighed, heading back down to the living room. Adrian meanwhile, was watching the trees and had Richie setting up bear traps. His hands ached, his throat was parched and he reached for a Mr Pib, downing it and returning to the traps. The smell of dirt, freshly kicked up from the strenuous laying and setting of cold steel upon the ground, wafted into Richie's Nostrils. "Ow, Fuck!" he swore as he clutched his hand. The metal of the bear trap had cut deeply into his palm. As the blood oozed from the wound, Richie heard a growl, He froze. It was as if there were an entire colony of unspeakable monsters just on the other side of the forest. He quickly wrapped his wound, laid the last trap and headed inside. "Adrian, they are here, it's time". Adrian picked up his cell, which was now able to pick up reception, and put in one last call to the local police.

Adrian:" Hello, my name is Adrian Cole, repeat Adrian Cole. We are residing inside a cabin nearby and have reason to believe that there is a colony of Werewolves nearby in the forest. We ask that you bring silver bullets, a machete and lots of ammo if those two options fail. Dress in at least 3 layers of leather."

Adrian waited for a response, any response. The woods lit up with the sound of howls as a Human leg was thrown through the window. Richie was starting to turn pale and Tina rushed into the kitchen, grabbed some medical supplies and did what she could to help him. Adrian's phone rang. He picked it up and froze. The voice on the other line was not human. "Tonight you die, they will not save you", the line went dead. The bodies of the sherriff and company could be seen as the werewolves in the woods fixed their red eyes on the trapped trio. With a screech, they assaulted the house, bashing in the front door and forcing the trio upstairs, where Adrian barricaded the door. "Where are the guns?" "Downstairs" said Tina. Richie was losing blood fast and the smell caused the werewolves to go berserk.  
No one breathed or said a word, as the downstairs lobby was smashed to pieces. Their hearts pounded like drums as the noise gradually slowed, then stopped as the wolves seemingly left.

"Are we going to get the weapons or not?" Tina reluctantly volunteered and crept down to the lobby. It was a mess. Wood was scattered everywhere and Tina nearly sliced her foot open twice from the sharp debris. "Please don't come over here...please" she silently begged as the wolves could be seen outside, attracted to some far off object. It was pitch black, with the only light being from the moon outside and a dimly lit lamp near the porch. Tina stopped, feeling the hot breath of a wolf right beside her. Instead of a scream, the boys heard what sounded like a scream from the wolf as Tina jammed the wooden beam on the floor into its head, until it poked out of its eyeballs. Still alive despite the damage, it managed to pin her to the floor while blind and bleeding from the brain. The blood swelled and swelled before stopping. Tina simply pricked the Wolf's face with her nails and it exploded outwards. popping it like a summer sausage.

"what's taking her so long" said Richie, who was now deathly pale. Adrian peeked out from the door and nearly vomited. Tina was covered in blood and the Werewolf had been popped like confetti, the other wolves having been scared off by the Sherriff's backup. "Movie Cliche number 3, the bad guy always survives" said Adrian, before burning the cabin to the ground. Rcihie's ghost popped up and screamed at Adrian. "I was in there you son of a bitch! You left me to die, now what am i supposed to do?" Another ghost popped up, a sexy model which was the wolf's true form. Richie looked inside his pants. "NO! NO FUCK!" he whined as the girl simply touched his head and he was overcome with orgasmic pleasure. "That's how we do it in heaven" she said. She and Richie Disappeared.

(This ends the story, but i would love to make a mini series based off the characters. Give me your thoughts when reviewing)


End file.
